cute, funny, retarded, perverted, weird and generally entertaining things my students tell me on a daily basis.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Week of June 6 - 10


Urgh… sooo sleepy today!! had a very eventful weekend – in which I didn’t get much sleep – so I would kinda rather be in my bed right now, but whatever. Gaman!

First period was 1-6 with Yuka, and we did the “guess who” game. They are the first class to have guessed that the picture in the middle was me. Good on them! Then, when we got to Avril Lavigne pictures, they were chatting with each other going “maybe this is Vanessa’s sister?” lol. Bless. Also there was one kid who was REALLY excited that there was a Pikachu picture in there, but he likes Kirby more, and he told me that next time, I should include a picture of Kirby. lol.

Second period was 2-4, and in my tired state, I was kinda dreading it, considering how insane Masaya had been last week. Sure enough when I walked into the class he made a big show of going “oh no!!”, but mostly I just ignored him (ok, I admit it, I threatened to throttle him a few times) and it was fine. I got kinda pissed at Shigeki-sensei for translating everything I was saying, because honestly, what is the fucking point of a listening activity if you’re just gonna translate it all?

Then, third period was 3-1 and I showed up to class to have the kids tell me that English was 4th period. Sweet! I thought, I can sit down and rest. so I went back to the staff room, fetched some coffee and got ready to settle down when Hasegawa sensei came to see me saying we had class, and there was a big commotion with some of the other 3rd year teachers, and it turns out the kids had just written the schedule down wrong and we did have class. Well fuck. False hope. So I trudged on back upstairs for class, which was boring and uneventful except for Ikuto acting the clown. He’s less creepy these days and more funny, which is good. At the end of the class, Minami asked me if I went to see Golden Bomber at the local mall. I said no, but I wondered why she was asking me cuz it’s kinda random since she doesn’t like Visual Kei. Then she told me her high school friend likes them and showed me the birthday card she was making for her. We chatted and Nao was there too so I asked her if she was excited about the new Harry Potter movie coming out soon, and of course she said yes, but Minami butted-in saying she wanted to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean’s and I said I wanted to see Paradise Kiss. I told them I’d read the manga when I was younger and Minami went “eeeeeeeh...! manga yomeru?!” (you can read manga?!) and I explained that I read it in English, and she was just completely baffled that there was such a thing as English Japanese manga. lol.


Morning! I am sooo sleepy today again, seriously. wtf. I even have an eye twitch. Although to be honest I’ve had it for at least 3 weeks now and I have no idea why. Anyhow, today shouldn’t be so bad, I have only 3 classes. Supposed to have 4 but during 2nd period, the student teacher (whom I haven’t mentioned because he looks like an uber nerd, is super shy,  and hasn’t even said 3 words to me) is going to be teaching the lesson, and I don’t need to be there. Also, most likely, my being there would probably freak him out, so I am GLAD to oblige and not show up.

Class with 1-7 was fun! They are a really cute group of kids. I had them write a mini speech about their family and draw a picture. They know almost nothing so it’s really hard for them. They had to write something like “this is my mother, Natsuko. She is a Matsujun fan” or something… anyways, at first it was really quiet in the classroom, but then they started chatting and the vibe got really good. One kid, Ryunosuke, who is a funny brat and I taught him in elementary school, asked me how to write “I am my own fan”, lol. One kid wrote “this is my sister, she is a money fan”, that made me laugh. Then when I was explaining something to this one girl, with my head kinda bent over her paper, I looked up to see the kid sitting in front of her, with her face an inch away from my head, trying to pluck my bangs or something. She flashed me a huge embarrassed smile and she went “konnichiwa!” like, super politely. I laughed and turned back to the other girl and I turn around and she’s doing it again! and then she goes to her friend “sugoi, kinpatsu!” (basically “wow, it’s so blonde!”) It was cute :p then later Eitaro and the girl next to him were talking in Japanese and wondering if you could say “I am a –person’s name– fan” and I butted-in going “sure, Eitaro is a Vanessa fan” and the girl laughed, and he said “itsu kara?” (since when?) and I answered “ima kara” (since now) and he laughed. Then I added “I am an Eitaro fan” and they all went “eeeeeh?!” and I ruffled his hair and went “cuz he’s so damn cute!” and all the girls laughed going “kawaii! kawaii!!” In Japan, boys usually don’t like being told they’re kawaii. It’s more of an adjective used for girls and undermines their manliness or something… not that there is anything manly whatsoever about Eitaro though… he’s so wittle!! *kyaa!* :p

Oh, and then on the way out of class, these two little girls were kinda walking behind me, giggling and I turned around and told them “I’m so sleeeeepy!” and they both nodded and one of the girls went “me mo” It totally cracked me up! “Me” was English, and “mo” was Japanese for “too”, so she’d just spewed her answer in half Japanese/half English.

Something funny happened during class with 3-2 (besides Daisuke incessantly trying to dry his pants… because apparently Imari had dropped water on him or something….) when I went over to try and help Ayumi with her diary entry. She just wrote “these days, I’ve been very sad” and I’m trying to explain to her that she has to write “why” and she tells me “kareshi wa... tsumetai” (my boyfriend is cold) and at first I’m like “oh, he’s not nice”, but then I’m thinking “oh, you can use “cold” to mean the same thing in English too”, so I say it to her. At the same time, Daisuke and Ayane, the row behind her, are being loud and laughing and he’s written on his paper that he’s happy cuz he has a new girlfriend. I get confused and think they are talking about Daisuke, so I ask “he’s cold? Daisuke is cold?” and Ayane goes “No! He’s hot! Very very hot!” and Ayumi nods and I just burst out laughing. But apparently I laughed out so loud and so suddenly that everybody else in the room just stopped talking and turned to look at me. Hasegawa-sensei even turned to look at me and asked why I was laughing, but it was a bit difficult to explain on the spot right there so I said I’d tell her later (which I did). After class, I went to see Daisuke and explained to him that saying a boy was “hot” in English meant “sexy”, and that’s not the meaning they were aiming for :p

Class with 2-6 was funny. and man, when they repeat after me, they are fucking screaming out the words! lol. I guess it’s because they got scolded last time, but it’s still kinda weird, considering that some classes you have to coax them into even doing it at all… at the end of the class, there wasn’t enough time for them to do the pair work, so I just told them that as a group, they should give me directions to draw a funny picture on the board, and they were pretty good at it! Afterwards, when I was walking down the hallway, Kazunari greeted me loudly and then he went “hello, Tanessa!” and I’m like “Tanessa? is that my new name?” and he went “yes!” and Daiyu, who was running in the hallway, on some errand just repeated “yes!” as he ran, and Kazunari laughed, and mumbled in Japanese that he (Daiyu) didn’t even know what we were talking about…


Super sleepy again this morning. You know you are sleepy when you open your shoe locker and go “wtf, why are there already shoes in my locker?!” before you realize that they’re your own inside shoes… yeaaaah…. let’s get these classes over with quickly!

First period with 1-1 was fun. I think we can safely dub Mr. Johnny my new perv! Although not really, cuz he is super sweet, and my old pervs weren’t sweet, they were just pervy and unsubtle. But yeah, he was always staring at me the whole time, and calling me over to ask me random questions, and then when I mentioned another kid’s sister was “a Vanessa fan”, he went “Vanessa fan!” and I asked him “are you?” and he was like “Yes! No, no… he is Vanessa fan!” pointing to his friend. His friend then pointed to him and went “he is body fan”. LOL! Hilarious. Then later, I was helping this kid in front of them and I could hear them talking about (bra) cup sizes and I turned glanced over at them and smiled and one kid went “oh shit, she heard us!” and at that I turned my head and stared fixedly at him and he went “kowai!” (scary!) lol. So I asked him “I’m kowai?” and he said “yes!” giving me the thumbs up. As I walked away and I heard him arguing with his friend, “no, cute! cute!” lol.

Also, Daiki (who used to be a huge brat in elementary school… and still is) was especially pleasant and chatty, and seemed to really enjoy me saying that I really hated AKB48… he also asked me if I knew Greeeen! and how many e’s there were in the band’s name, and then he was all impressed when I said there were 4 e’s cuz there were four members in the name… yeah, I learned that last year doing research for a pop-culture game… lol! Oh, and also, Kaisei has a dog named Queue. In Japanese they call her “kuu” but since he knows I speak French, he asked me wait it meant and I said it meant “tail” (also I kinda giggled because in Quebec, it’s slang for “cock” but I didn’t tell him that, obviously…) and then he was all disconcerted, and the girl next to him was laughing, saying the dog was “kawaisou” (basically means “poor dog!”).

Second period was with 2-1, my favorites with the minis, and it was kinda funny cuz Masaki, this super delicate, adorably cute, quiet boy, was made to stand up and read the dialogue with his friend, and he really didn’t want to, and when he was reading he was so super shy and kept rubbing his throat all delicately, and read in a quiet, super high-pitched voice, stopping intermittently to giggle quietly. Poor thing!!!! But the whole time I just wanted to squeal “KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!” and go give him a hug cuz he was so darn adorable! The rest of the class was just normal fun, except Ayumu kept pestering me and demanding my attention… (although I guess that’s now become normal…) Then while I was explaining something, I looked up at him and jumped back squealing, cuz he’d turned his eyelid inside out and it was super gross. and then of course he laughed at me.

Coming down the stairs after class, I ran into Imari and some other boys, and of course he went “hello, Vanessa!” with a cheerful smile and I said hi back. Then I noticed he had bandages on his wrists and I asked “what’s that?!” and he explained to me that he had injured himself trying to do a handstand. ouch! granted he has bony little limpy wrists, but P.E. in Japan is HARSH! I remember how much I hated P.E. when I was in school (being a fat kid and all) and it’s NOTHING compared to what these kids have to do! I would really hate to be a fat kid in Japan… especially when they start training for sports day….

4th period was with 1-3 and it went well but was uneventful. Just before, when I was on my way there, all the kids from 1-1 passed me, going to art class, and Daiki went “YEAH!” and raised his hand, so I gave him a high-five and a bunch of them laughed. Seeing that, a few steps behind, Johnny did the same thing, and was all chuffed when I gave him a high-five too. Now, after class, I ran into them again, coming back, and seeing them coming, I see/hear Johnny’s friends go “look, look, it’s Vanessa, come on, come on…” and he raised his hand again so I just slapped it and he grinned like an idiot… lol. Having a 12y.o. in love with you is funny.

Sometimes I love the school nurse. She has the most annoying voice, is ugly as fuck, and very often inappropriate, but every so often, she just randomly tells me how nice I look. I just ran into her, coming out of the toilets and she went “Vanessa, recently, you’ve gotten so slender!” (and there is obviously something wrong with her eyes, because I have GAINED weight recently, but whatever, I’ll take it!) and then she goes on “and your face is all thin… and your skin’s so pretty too… sugoii!” (and obviously I’m translating for your benefit here cuz the nurse doesn’t speak a word of English, but…) LOL! Hey… flattery is never turned down!!! ^___^


Okay, WHY is there a morning meeting this morning? There was one yesterday!!! I showed up to school at my normal time, and I couldn’t even fucking get in cuz of all the 1st year teachers had chairs in front of the door… grrr… now I look late and stupid. Moreover, it’s really hot this morning and I’m sweating like a pig. Actually, scratch that, it’s not hot. It’s only about 26C outside, but it is ridiculously humid. Also, that makes me the only person sweating, while everybody else is going “samui”…

1st period was class with 1-2, nothing much happened… except that I played the game with this one little boy, who looked really “slow”, but he totally understood how to play it, so it made me really happy ^_^ also this one kid, Youhei, is really genki and cute ^_^ it’s always weird with the 1st graders because it takes a really long time for me to a) remember their names and b) notice any kind of personality in them, because (with a few exceptions) they are all so similar.

And holy shit, did the hot teacher just say good morning to me?! Like, with no prompting?? Where the fuck did that come from?! He never talks to me!!

Had 4th period with 3-4, and they were their usual unresponsive self, although better behaved than usual. Bad Ryota did fuck all, even when prompted, and had this big bandage on his hand like he’d broken a finger. Shiomi-kun was actually polite to me, and Ryouga was actually good, reminding me of his old self. It’s kinda funny cuz his eyes lit up when I said I’d give stickers to people who had written a good text, and then he started working really hard. awww…

5th period went fine, and 6th period with 3-6 was uneventful except that one of the soccer boys (I am bad and can’t remember his name) kept fussing with his shoulder the whole time, cuz they’d had P.E. before, and every time I’d be looking at him, he’d look up and stare at me and I would break into giggles. I swear it happened like 15 times or something. Retarded. Maybe he has a “Vanessa-is-looking-at-me” radar like Ichiro used to have… ooh, you guys don’t know Ichiro, he was one of my favorite kids to graduate two years ago. He had this “radar” to know whenever I happened to be looking at him, even – say – in a gym full of 600 kids, and his head would flip around to stare at me. lol. Anyhow, so that was my entertainment while they were doing their stupid test paper, and then after, I was having them write a diary entry and they had to write “I’ve been tired” or “I’ve been busy” or something like that, and I’m walking around and notice that Taisei has written “These days, I’ve been sad” on his paper. and I’m like “why are you sad?” and he goes on to explaining that he’s sad because he had to cut his hear, and I just broke into laughter. Taisei is the soccer boy with the most “fashionable” hair. It’s longish and styled in a mini Mohawk on the top and shaved on one side… anyways, I know that some sports team in Japan have a thing where, when they lose a game, they have to cut their hair. It’s especially evil for the soccer boys, since they are so vain. Anyways, I went “oh, cuz you lost a game?” and he nodded and Hasegawa-sensei was all surprised cuz she didn’t know about that tradition. After the bell rang, Taisei was still talking about his hair and I went “soccer boys loooooove their hair! like girls!” and he laughed.


wwwwtf??! My school loooves randomly messing with the schedule for no valid reason (I mean, I know there are reasons, but honestly, they’re very stupid…) and so every week there are random schedule changes here and there, and after 3 years here I know enough to notice them on the board even though I can’t read much Japanese, and so I’m usually ahead of things. This morning, 1st period is changed to 5th period schedule. On my schedule, it says I should have class with 1-5, 5th period, so it means I should have 1-5 now. Fine, I go there and the two student teachers for social studies are there, the kids all have their social studies books out, and oh look, it says “social studies” on their schedule board. Huh? I guess I’m not meant to be here. So I go back to the staffroom, take out my weekly class schedule, and check – but no, there it is, 1-5, 5th period. wtf? Maybe it was some special change for the student teachers but hum… thanks for telling me!!!

Anyhow, I don’t really mind cuz it means I went from having 4 back-to-back classes this morning to a free period and then 3 classes. It’s kinda awesome. I just wish I coulda known in advance, eh? oh well…

I had class with 2-2, but I can’t remember…. In class with 3-3, I was talking with some of the girls at the back, and one of the girls had a hello kitty charm on her pencil case. I said it was cute and asked what it was for, and she explained it was for school, for helping with your studies. I asked if they’d gotten good grades since getting them (the other girl in front also had one) and they started shaking their heads energetically, going “totally!! it’s so working!!” lol. As if your silly charm is giving you better grades. You’re just studying harder! Still, I thought it was cute. :p also, Koudai CRACKS ME UP because he keeps wriggling his eyebrows at me like he’s hitting on me… it’s totally not a Japanese thing so I dunno if he’s aware of what he’s doing… I think he isn’t and it keeps making me laugh everytime he does it… lol.

anyhow, 4th period was supposed to be 2-5, but I went up to Mizushima-sensei and he told me that, since they were behind, I should “please not come”. yay!! Another free class! This day is turning out great! Oh and, speaking of which, there was natto in the school lunch today… which made me groan and grumble as I went to fetch my lunch tray. As I’m leaving, Domoto-sensei walks into the kitchen and sees my abandoned natto pack and goes “you’re not eating it?” laughing, knowing obviously that I never eat the fucking natto. anyways, I walk back into the staffroom (through the far door cuz it’s near my desk, and Domoto-sensei’s already back inside and he’s given the natto to another teacher, who apparently loves it. said teacher is so happy that he gives me his frozen jelly in exchange. wtf?! yay! ^_^

1 comment:

  1. Frozen jelly??

    I am cracking up over the "English Japanese manga" thing. Maybe I should get myself one of those Hello Kitty charms...