cute, funny, retarded, perverted, weird and generally entertaining things my students tell me on a daily basis.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bits and Pieces

Sorry, there’s been some stuff happening in my personal life recently, and keeping up with the blog has kinda been the last thing on my mind… here are some bits and bobs that I remember happening over the last 2 weeks.

Last week Monday, when I was feeling super down in the dumps and heading to my first class trying not to cry, Ryohei (3-5) fell into step next to me, with his little friend behind him going “go on!” in Japanese, and blurted out, super randomly, in perfect English “will you be my friend?” I just stared at him for a second completely dumbfounded and then smiled and answered “sure” and he high-fived his friend and ran off to P.E. class. I just kept walking, giggling to myself. I wanted to cry, but this time of happiness. These kids really are a blessing to me sometimes, especially when bad things happen in my personal life.

Just before class with 3-2, the following day, Daisuke asked me for valentine’s day chocolates. lol. I told him that I wouldn’t give him any and he was like “pu-lease, please!” and I laughed and said that if I gave him any, I would have to give some to all the other boys too and I was poor”. He winked at me and whispered “only me”. I shook my head, laughing, and said finally that if I gave him any the other teachers would yell at me. Then he leaned in, a finger over his lips and went “secret!” lol.

I had class with 1-4 at one point and they were being really loud. Particularly this one group of boys at the back, which included two of my faves, Atsuhiro and Akira-chan. The unit they are studying now talks about monkeys (bonobos and chimps) and one of the vocabulary word was “human”. So when I said it, for the bingo game, I was walking on their side and waved at them “you are not humans!” and Atsuhiro went “yes, yes, human!” and I said “no, no, no… you are monkeys!” and all the others laughed while he was trying to deny being a monkey. Then Akira-chan bent over and said “monkey leader!” pointing to Atsuhiro. lol. Really not too sure what that was about, but it went on for a while and then we continued playing the game. After class had ended and I was packing my stuff, the two of them came over and I said “bye monkeys!” and Atsuhiro said again he wasn’t a monkey, and I laughed, shaking my head to mean he was wrong. He pointed to Akira and asked “what about him?” in Japanese, to which I answered “of course, he’s a monkey too. Kinda looks a little bit like a monkey too.” and right then, Akira made this totally priceless face an went “hook! hook!” raising his shoulders with each squeak, and I was just pissing myself laughing. That kid is much too cute.

Now, this week, when I walked into 3-6 class for sentaku English, Taisei and Jumpei were huddled near the windows, trying to soak up the sunlight’s warmth because it’s freakin’ cold. I was focused on unpacking my crap, but then I noticed I could hear singing. I turned around and asked Taisei “are you singing?!” to which Jumpei answered, completely not understanding my question “Tohoshinki!” and I just kinda raised my eyebrows at them. Tohoshinki? Really? Only in Japan would two 15y.o. “cool boys” admit to listening to and even liking a boyband… oh Japan… Anyhoo, we spent a few minutes chatting about which songs we liked, and then they laughed at me when I said I liked “Stand by U”. What’s wrong with that song?!

In 3-2, a girl who pretty much never never talks to me came to ask me what my boob size was at the end of class. Now up until recently, I’d always answered this question with “they don’t have my size in Japan”, but a little while ago, I was bored waiting for my bf to show up and killing time shopping, I wandered into a lingerie shop and decided to see if I could find some that fit. Well, I did. A helpful little shop-girl found me some (super hideous) giant sized bras that I tried on just for kicks and now know that I am a Japanese size H or I. lol. I think they just have such a variety of “sizes” (it’s all just padding anyways) to make themselves feel better about having no tits. Anyways, so I tell the girl “I’m a size H” cuz I felt kinda bad for her and I thought “she’s a girl, what’s the harm?” and then she started counting on her fingers, nodding to herself, and wandered off back to her friends. Huh? What was that about?!!

Oh, and Daisuke also came over to pester me about chocolates again (this was on the actual day of valentine’s day) and we were arguing back and forth and the thing that finally shut him up was when I said “you’re not my boyfriend”. He looked thoughtful, nodded, and said “aaaah…” lol. Then he looked at me hopefully going “tomo-choco?” lol!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Week of January 30th to February 2nd


4 classes back to back in the morning. That sucked. I showed up to school thinking I had 3 classes (like I was supposed to) but then saw (and remembered) that I had 4th period with Aoshima-sensei as well. FML. That killed my good mood right away. THEN the printer reaaaally seemed to have a death-wish cuz it kept fucking up my copies and I didn’t manage to finish printing everything on time and I was late for first period (1-7 with Aoshima, which DID NOT help my mood either) anyhow, all my classes were good though. Even class with 1-3 was sort of okay, and remember that girl who just refuses to do anything and play every single game and just stands there with that weird face like she’s trying to ignore the world around her. Well. That kid can draw as well as any professional manga artist. I made them “invent a super hero” in class and that’s the first time I’ve ever seen her do anything. huh.

So I had first year classes, and 3rd year sentaku classes, and this week, for sentaku, I am doing a lesson on the Spice Girls. Now, not only did I have huge fun planning this lesson, but it was very nostalgic for me, so I was really curious about how the kids were going to react to them. Well, I know 3-3 and 3-6 are both good groups, but they both loved it! Which made me so happy. In 3-6, that girl (I’m so bad I can’t remember her name…) who was pestering me about my boyfriend last week was at it again, insisting that I show her puri of my bf and also asking me a bunch of questions about make-up. It was really cute. I told her and her friend, after class, to come see me in the staffroom after lunch, and I would show them.

And sure enough, they dutifully showed up 5 minutes after the end-of-lunch bell and I grabbed my bag and went outside with them. We spent 20 minutes on the front steps of school, chatting and looking through my purikura (you’ve seen Samantha’s blog, right? there’s a LOT. lol). They kept going “moderu mitai!” (you look like a model!) and “iiii naaaa~ otona ni naritai!” (I wanna be an adult. being an adult must be so nice!) and I was like “kid, I wish I could switch with you!” and we laughed. It was actually, I think, one of the best moments in my 3 years at this school.


First period was 2-2. I decided to fuck all pretense of actually doing anything while Shigeki-sensei is lecturing, and brought some stuff to grade at the back of the class while he talked. Made class go much faster, and it’s gonna reduce the giant pile of things to check that’s been piling up on my desk recently. This is what happens when you give me days with 4 and 5 classes in a row, you stupid fucks… even when I do have the afternoon off, I’m too tired to do anything afterwards… but nevermind. 2-2 went well, with two funny occurrences. The first was that, when I asked for volunteers to demo my game, like 10 kids got out of their chairs (they’re not usually that eager) and the little posse of goody-brat-boys (composed of Toshiki 1 and 2, Tetchan and the other one… what’s his name… Koki :p) ruled supreme over the others who bowed down to their superiority and let them come play. The second thing was me going up to Atsuya, who looked tired and depressed and I asked “not genki today?” and he went “sagepoyo. Today, not agepoyo” in a kinda sad voice. lol!!! I was under the impression that “agepoyo” was a really gyaru thing? Maybe not, or maybe it’s mainstreaming, but Atsuya is this tiny goody-goody boy who doesn’t look badass for a minute, so it was just really funny for me to hear him say that :p  I guess I shouldn’t laugh cuz he was probably broken-hearted or something, but it was just such an odd occurrence!

2nd period was 2-1 and passed by quickly since I repeated the same “I’m grading papers” gimmick. I did spend a few moments teasing Wataru at the back, cuz I just can’t help it. He’s much too cute. When I have babies, they better all look like Wataru. When I asked for volunteers for my game demo, first, Rei stood up, and then nobody else. I was like “come on!” and then Masaki, this cute, shy little kid with a changing voice stood up and everyone went “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh?!? Masaki?!” and laughed a bit, which I guess wasn’t super nice but he didn’t let it phase him and trotted up front while I bullied two more boys into joining us. He then did the demo like a pro. Huge props to that kid, he seems really shy, but he always tries so hard ^_-

Theeeeeen!!!! I found out that Mizushima-sensei is absent today! (I really shouldn’t be this happy about it since I heard it’s because someone in his family died….) so my class with 2-3 was moved! Which gives me a lovely break right now! yatta!! You know, it makes all the difference between a crappy 5 classes day and this… now I’m super looking forward to my next two classes. ^_^

4th period was with 3-2, and since Mizushima-sensei was absent, I had to do it on my own. Yabe-sensei showed up to check on things for about 20 minutes, then he left. But they were sooooo good. At the beginning of the class, I joked that they should be extra good since I was alone, but they really were! Not that I ever have any trouble with 3-2, but you know. Again, the reaction was pretty good, which made me happy. Nothing I can remember too much except that during the break before class, Ryohei from 3-5 was sitting at a desk in the back and going “hi” and I’m like “you’re not in this class” and he goes “what?! I am a member of sannen-ni-kumi (class 3-2)” and laughed. Then Dan showed up and pointed to him and said “he is good English ability” and I said “I know”. Ryohei nodded and said “yes” so I said “yeah!” and held my hand for a highfive and he slapped it, looking all chuffed. Dan was saying “me too. Good English, yes?” and I made a face at him and said “… so-so” which made Ryohei laugh.

Ah man, I really wish I wasn’t so tired…. class with 3-1 was really good, and Minami was priceless as usual, but I really can’t remember specifics… but actually, when I walked into class, a lot of students were really confused and saying things like “eh? we have sentaku now?!” and the best reaction goes to Kousuke who – when he realized that I wasn’t the one who was confused – clapped his hands together and let out a huge “YOSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!!” followed by something along the lines of “sentaku is sooo much better!” in Japanese, so I asked him what class he thought he had and (after much haggling to get my meaning across) he told me it was regular English. lol. Although I guess, grammar class with Hasegawa-sensei really CAN’T compare with my awesome lesson on the Spice Girls. lol.


This was another day where I was really busy and didn’t really have time to write anything down, so I forgot it… Nevermind that I was also REALLY tired… I do remember that I wanted to throttle Ryota (in 3-4) though, but what else is new? His thing today was that he kept repeating the word “chikubi” over and over… that means “nipples” in Japanese btw, and it was sooooo annoying… I basically realized that he was using it to mean “boobs” in the same way we’d say “tits” in English, I suppose, because we were doing the spice girls lesson and some of the pictures of the girls had plungeing necklines…. apparently Shun likes big boobs and Ryota and the others kept taunting him about it. When we had extra time at the end and I asked if they wanted to watch another video, Ryota shouted (in Japanese, of course) “YESS!!! Shun wants to see more tits!!” …. -_-


Not really in a great mood today, so classes were kind of a blur… I had my super-hero lesson with 1-6 and then 1-4 and it went fine, except that NOT ONE SINGLE KID in 1-4 knew who Sailor Moon was!!!! I mean I know it’s a bit old, but most of the kids in the other classes all knew who she was… minding blown. Also, I feel old.

4th period was 2-5 and they were perfect little troopers, as usual, and really into the pokemon game. Nothing really special happened. Sorry this was such a boring day :p

Some little ichinensei girls were following me around earlier and talking about me in Japanese, saying “Vanessa sensei is so fashionable! Look at her cute shu-shu!” which made me laugh… cuz, since when is a scrunchie fashionable?? But I guess if you compare me to the other teachers…

Also, I feel I should mention something : it is freakishly COLD here. Now, unless you have yourself worked as an ALT in Central Japan, you are probably not aware of this but, schools are NOT HEATED in the winter here. And not only that, but teachers are constantly opening all the windows, all over the school, because they believe that you need to “change the air” in order for the kids to not catch the flu. Ironically, there are way more sick kids here every winter than I’ve ever seen in Canada, and yet, when I mention this little fact to them, it flies right over their heads and they just go “WE MUST OPEN THE WINDOWS MORE!!!!” anyways… So my point is, it’s basically the same temperature inside school as it is outside. And these days, the temperature is hovering around or below zero, so you can imagine how fun that is!!

The only place in the school that is actually heated is the staffroom. It’s lucky for me, but incredibly stupid, I feel, because it’s like admitting that you DO need heat, but you’re too cheap to give it to the students. It just baffles me beyond belief. Heating the school is too expensive, and yet, they’re always shelling out tons of money for people to come and trim the trees on the school grounds and plant flowers, etc. How the heck does that make any sense?!?!

But anyways, I could go on for hours on this topic, so I’ll shut up now.

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Week of January 23rd to 27th

Aaah, please forgive me for skipping last week. When my schedule is so packed like it’s been recently (and will be for the rest of the year, from the looks of it), I don’t have time to sit down and write what happened in each class, and after so many classes, it just flies right out of my head. もしあけございません~


First period was with 1-6, which I had just last Friday. As I walked into the classroom, Hiroki (tiny, really genki little boy) ran up to me and went “sushi sticker??!” That’s his thing. See, one time, I bought some sushi stickers from LOFT to give away as prizes, and when they ran out, all hell came loose as apparently, they were such a huge hit. I went back to the store to get more, but they were out that time, to the great disappointment of the kiddies. Then I went again in December, and lo-and-behold, sushi stickers! So I bought like 2 packs. But now, every time I walk into the class, that one kid always jumps on me to ask if I have sushi stickers, and every time I say “yes” and he goes “yosh!!” lol. Cutest thing ever. I swear to god, he’s not even 3 feet tall… He’s so tiny… But anyways, I didn’t really get to do a game with the kids today cuz Yuka wanted them to do a writing activity, but she made me do a time killer game while she went to photocopy the papers. It was over in 5 minutes and when Yuka started talking, Hiroki went “Vanessa Game owatta? sushi sutikaaaaaaa….” with this super sad face… lol. Aww.

Then the next period was 2-4, which was rather uneventful. Something was wrong with Masaya… I think he may be sick cuz he was absent last week, and now he had huuuuge bags under his eyes. He couldn’t even muster up the strength to insult me. Poor thing. Then we played the pokemon game, which was a huge hit, even with the “I’m too cool for school” little clique that sits at the back. Win.

3rd period was regular English with 3-1, and we had to do a writing activity and something from their textbook, but it actually went quite well. Minami (who now sits right at the front by the teacher’s desk) was super awake (really rare) and trying really hard to guess the answers. I also had a fun little chat with Nami and Seiya at the back, about if it was my real hair and eye colors (you would think this would get old, right? but no…) and I even managed to make Seiya write his paper!!! I think I’m growing on him! And then I had pretty much a repeat of the hair conversation with Yuka and Nichika while I was trying to get him to write… Yuka kept petting my hair and saying it was soft, and Nichika was like “really? Isn’t it damaged?” lol! And she goes “no, here!” and he starts petting my hair too and goes “honta da!” … gotta love how educational my English lessons are, eh? :p But actually, I was quite pleased because everyone (minus Nichika…) managed to finish before the bell, AND wrote quite a decent amount of sentences! This never happens! They usually always try to just half-ass it, saying it’s too hard or just not bothering… so I’d say this was a success!!

Ok, I’m grading the Hairspray papers now, and a bunch of kids in 3-3 wrote “very very international!” in the comments… wtf?! I’m not sure exactly what they meant by that… Actually, it wasn’t very international, cuz it was only black and white people in it… no Asians, no Indians, no anything else… I think someone *coughJTEcough* must have fed them the word, but they’re not using it correctly….


First period was 1-7, which started off on the wrong foot as Aoshima-sensei promptly announced that he wanted to switch Wednesday’s 4th period class (note, a day where I only have 3, nicely spread out classes) to next Monday 4th period. I was pretty cranky cuz I already have periods 1-2-3 on Monday, which means I’ll have to teach the whole morning without breaks and I hate that. On top of it he was like “I have already checked your schedule and I know you’re not teaching this period”. What was I gonna say? No? blergh. Plus, it means I’ll see that one class twice in the same week. meh, whatever. Class itself went fine though, spent most of it making faces at Ryunosuke. :p

2nd period was regular English with 3-5 and it was pretty boring. Ryohei was sleeping on his desk and I kept having to poke him awake.

5th period was 3-2, regular English, and just before class started, Daisuke ran over and proudly showed me this one page from his juku English textbook that was basically all English. He went “look, look! long, long!” so I asked “can you understand everything?” and he gave me a huge grin with a super confident “yes!” before running back to his seat. lol. Class went fine, chatted a bit with Dan and Kota as usual, and Dan kept dicking around. He kept turning in his chair to talk with the chubby kid behind him. At one point when I was walking over, he pointed to that boy and went “crying”, and I asked “why is he crying? Did you make him cry?” and after a bit of rewording he went “yes!” and then thinking super hard to form the sentence correctly “I make… no… made he… him, cry” with a huge smile. lol. Oh and Kota wrote at the end of his mini-essay “I want to go to X high school to study Japanese history more”. I was kinda impressed so I asked “oh really?” and he waved his hand at me and grinned “no.” and then in Japanese, “but it sounds nice, don’t you think?” LOL! little smart ass…. :p

Then just now, I ran into those two again, along with Kazuma, who were huddled in front of the nurse’s office, NOT cleaning (it was cleaning time) so I went to chide them a little and Kazuma was like “HEY!” waving a hand at me. I saw that he had this hokkairo with stuff written on it so I wanted him to give it to me but he refused. Then he made me janken for it and I lost. So I left. To the sound of their giggles. It kinda cracks me up though that Kazuma seems to really like me. He hates school, and hates English, and is always bumming around, but every time he sees me in the hall he always says hi, and if I’m talking to his friends he always tries to butt-in and make them translate for him. lol.


So. Aoshima-sensei apparently has a gift for pissing me off first thing in the morning. Today is the day when he told me 4th period was cancelled to switch it to next Monday, so when I came in, I was expecting having only my two morning classes, and that was actually fine by me since I’m recovering from a migraine that isn’t completely gone… but no… When I walked into class this morning, he came up to me and went “sorry. I made a mistake. The cancelled class is next week. So please come 4th period.” urgh! Will you fucking stop messing with my head please?? And if you must, can’t you at least have the decency to tell me before I walk into the classroom? I saw him in the staffroom this morning when I arrived and he said nothing to me. Anyways, it’s just common sense, no? I guess not. *sigh*

But anyhow, class with 1-1 went well. The kids where really into the second game, which involved asking other team members original questions. Now this is a game that can BOMB horribly if it’s played in a weak/quiet class, but I was happy it worked so well with them. In one team, I walked by while one kid was trying to think of a “do you like~” question, so I said “do you like me?” (as in, replace ’me’ with the kid’s name, not mine) and they all cracked up when he did and the other kid said no. But then, I stuck around a bit and they were all asking each other “do you like so-and-so?” using names of friends in the class. lol. I’d unleashed a monster.

After that I had class with 2-1, who were surprisingly well-behaved, but that could just be because there were about 6 kids absent from class cuz of influenza, although all my biggest brats were still there. Mostly I was just dicking around with Wataru at the back of the class. At one time, Shigeki-sensei asked the kids to answer “who is the xx-est in your family questions” and I asked Wataru “who is the cutest in your family? you?” and he went “no! no! no!” lol. and then Nanase, a girl in front of him in the next row pointed to him and said “he is bocchan!” and they all started laughing and he was denying it vehemently. I had to ask cuz I didn’t know what it meant and apparently it means “rich kid”, then Yuki (the kid in front) turned around, pointed to another kid at the back of the class and went “he is bouzu-chan” and we all cracked up. Indeed, it was one of the baseball club kids with really close-cropped hair.

4th period with 1-3 was the same lesson as 1-1, except way more boring… As expected, when I walked by Dinosaur-boy’s table when they were playing the game, he was asking another kid “are you a dinosaur?” lol.

Aaah… apparently there’s another one of those demo classes things going on this afternoon… and I know because Yabe sensei just went “don’t you go?” at me just now. “Go where?” and he said “Mr. Mizushima’s special teaching” and I went “aaaaaah… no” honestly, I have a crapload of things to do this afternoon, but even if I didn’t I would still not go unless Mizushima-sensei had personally asked me to, which he didn’t. Butt-out.


1st period was 1-2 with Yuka, which went fine except that this one kid, Ryouya (I think?) was just being a little dick… I dunno why this kid hates me, and it hurts all the more because his two older brothers are/were some of my favorite students of all time! Tetsuya, now in 2nd grade is always super genki and always has a ready smile and wave for me when he sees me in the hallway, and now 1st year of high school Tatsuya was one of my original “pervs”. No more needs to be said. But this kid, no matter what I do, he just gets this “get away from me!” look on his face when I come over, like I’m a bug or a dirty sock or something. It’s really frustrating!!

4th period was supposed to be 2-3, but apparently there was a change to their schedule (only their class) between 4th and 6th period. Sadly for them, I already have another class that I can’t miss during 6th period. They were really cute though, Daiyu and a bunch of them came to huddle around me, trying to explain that the schedule had changed and where all disappointed “aaaaah”’s when I said I couldn’t come 6th period. aww…

5th period was with 1-4 and it was really funny, but now I can’t remember any particular details cuz I’m too tired… sadness. It was followed by 6th period with 3-6, which was pretty good too. Seiya had “drawn” a Mt. Fuji on his desk, made out of staples and tape… wtf… and then this cute little girl at the front (Honoka, I think) was like “Vanessa do you have a boyfriend?” and I started saying yes, then went “oh shit” in my head and was kinda shaking it no, but I could see in her face that I was busted. She wanted to know all about him but I told her to ask me after class. She went “me, no…. sabishii…” and this one boy behind her (Yuta? Jumpei? I forgot… I just call him “floppy hair boy” in my head…) he said something and I asked “you’re sabishii too?” and they all went “no no no! very happy! he has girlfriend!” lol. and he kept trying to shush them, going “secret!” Then later on I made things worse by going over and trying to help him write his paper. The topic was “my best memory from junior high school” and he couldn’t pick anything and I said “my best memory is when I met my girlfriend…” and he went “no! no! no!” while Honoka went “yes!! choou ii jan!” and even though he was wearing a sick-mask, you could totally tell that his face was aaaall red. lol. Poor kid. Then he mumbled something to the extent that the other two were too romantic… lol.


This morning is the very evilest of days out of my schedule. I have periods 1 through 5 all in a row. I really wanna punch the dumb fucker who had THAT brilliant idea… luckily, it doesn’t happen very often that I have all 5 classes… there’s usually a schedule change, or Mizushima-sensei will cancel his class, but unluckily… I had all 5 today. gah!

And to start things off… my favorite… 3-4! Well actually, I suppose it was kinda better off having them first, than last before lunch, when I would be tired and they would be hyper. It went alright, considering… Just before class I ran into Daisuke and he was like “HAHA! Crazy!” pointing at me and laughing, and I asked “why are you laughing at me?” and he went “what?” so I explained “laughing. hahaha!” and he went “aaaah!! because I’m happy!” lol. and he went off. Kid is just too cute. Yesterday I ran into him in the hall and he told me – in English – that he was gonna try the entrance test for one of the really good public high schools near here. I was impressed and wished him luck!

2nd period was 2-2, followed by 3-3 where Kodai tried to cheat on the test and Hiroko wrote that her best high school memory was meeting Winnie the pooh, who is actually a member of the soccer club… Ryota spent most of the class looking up dumb words (like “stinky” or “dirty”) in his new English dictionary, and ended up writing that his best memory of JHS were Shunta’s eyebrows. lol. The kid has a big giant uni-brow, basically… Anyways, 3-3 was fun, I guess. I called Miho by her sister’s name (they look the same and names are almost the same…) and dicked around with Tomoya’s glasses. In a word, a usual 3-3 class :p

4th period was 2-5, which I hadn’t seen in a really long time (since Mizushima-sensei keeps cancelling his classes… actually, I haven’t seen 2-6 since last November, I kid you not) and they got really into the pokemon game. Even totally cheated and gave Atsuya (kinda slow, baby yanki kid who doesn’t understand ANYTHING) really strong cards and he still managed to lose. lol.

5th period was 1-5 aaaaaaaaand, I can’t remember.