cute, funny, retarded, perverted, weird and generally entertaining things my students tell me on a daily basis.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Week of September 26th to 30th


Aaah, back to work after a week of retardedness. Not too genki today for personal reasons but class this morning actually went well.

I had first period with Yuka in 1-6 and I ended up teaching the whole thing because it was a 45 min lesson and the chimes were broken and we started late… anyways, it went well.

Then I had 2-4 with Shigeki and of course Masaya was a nutcase… he kept saying something about me having miso in the brain? “miso tariru” or something? Anyways, it was very easy to understand that it meant that I’ve got a few lose screws… lol. He also asked me if I was wearing fake lashes, and said that it was better with my nails off. (I took them off about a week ago…) Then at the end of the class, I forget why but I said to him “thank you darling”. I mean that’s just kinda normal for me to call the kiddies “honey” or “sweety” or whatnot, but in Japanese, “darling” is the word you use for your boyfriend, and Manaka heard me call him that and she went “she said darling! darling!!!” and wouldn’t stop giggling… I think he got upset because he started babbling on about me being “rebound” again and honestly, it was kinda incoherent. Then after he was like “Vanessa don’t reboud, ok? you can’t gain weight again. no way! ganbatte!” LOL. I can’t help it, I love him so much even though he is an annoying little fuck. but it’s also painfully obvious that he tries extra hard to be annoying just to have my attention ^_-

Then in 3rd period with 3-1 it also went well. It was my first time having regular English with them since the end of summer vacation and the vibe was definitely very different. Minami was falling asleep on her desk with her mouth opened. Nichika and Kouki were being SUPER loud, and it was kinda annoying, but they were being loud while answering the questions and actually doing the work, so… Also, when I walked into the class during break, Nichika and some other boys were playing at hitting each other on the legs with towels…… :/ yeah, I don’t get it either.

Ooooh boy… Nami just walked by my desk to go talk to another teacher (with another friend), then she backtracked and came over to whisper that I was “very very cute”, walked back to the other teacher’s desk, then backtracked again and went “Vanessa… I love you!” in her super random “Nami tone”, and I laughed and said “me too honey” and she walked off again. Then she ran into her homeroom teacher and told her in Japanese “I was just doing English conversation with Vanessa! look, look!” and she dragged her over to me and repeated the whole “iloveyou/me too” scene for the benefit of the teacher, who patted her on the shoulder. LOL!

There is this full length mirror on the wall of the level between the ground floor and first floor… the staffroom is on the 1st floor, and the lady teachers’ toilet is on the ground floor, so if I have to use the toilet, I have to go downstairs and walk in front of the big mirror all the time. Well, I just did that now, and on the way, I heard voices from above me going “I am Vanessa, I like Vanessa…” and at this point I was almost at the end of the stairs so I dunno if they were talking about me cuz they saw my reflection in the mirror, or if they were just randomly talking about me, but I decided to wait for them at the bottom, around the staircase to let them know I had heard them. The look on their faces as they saw me was just priceless. Three 2nd year boys. Shock, followed by embarrassment and a shy grin. tihee!!

My two chalk girls just came over and were like “oh Vanessa! You cut your hair!” (in Japanese) and then one of them goes “color?” and I say yes, I colored it a bit, and she goes “green”. lol. Indeed, the toner was a bit too strong and some bits of my hair have a greenish tinge. It’ll wash out in a day or two, but yay my dear sweeties for your complete lack of tact. Then they started talking about how the color was actually quite nice, and petting my hair saying it was really soft and going “iiiiiii naaaaaa”. lol.


Ex-fattie 3rd year boy (I forgot his name… I swear he lost like 30lbs over summer vacation! I should ask him his trick!!) was asking me if I was cold in the hall on my way… then Yuta, the quiet baseball boy with glasses comes over and joins him, showing me that he was wearing a HEAT TECH shirt… wtf… It’s 23C outside… and then, as I started to argue with them about how it’s not really cold, Rina grabbed my hand and just dragged me back to her classroom with her. I didn’t even have class with her class…

During class with 3-5, Hasegawa sensei may or may not have made a sarcastic crack at my lesson planning skills… she went “let’s play Vanessa’s fun game! We are so thankful to Vanessa for making this great game!” and I was like “Really lady? It’s battleship… either you are a bit of your rocker, or you are making fun of me…” either way… meh. It IS a fun game, so shut up! Plus the kids love it and it fits the grammar point. End of story.

Just now in the staffroom, Kouchou-sensei stopped by my desk, pointed to my shirt and went “steki”. I went “huh?” cuz I wasn’t sure if he had said “suteki” really fast or something else, but no, he went on “suteki… kirei… iro ga kirei… niau”. (wonderful, beautiful, the color is beautiful… it suits you well). I mean that is a lot or super random praise coming out of nowhere from the principal. So cue me saying thank you and blushing like an idiot. I guess I should probably mention that my shirt is pretty form-fitting too… so he was probably just looking for an excuse to stare at my tits… oh well.

3-2 in the afternoon with Hasegawa-sensei went well. Daisuke kept practicing this dance or speech thing he was supposed to do as the leader of his team for sports day (more on that retardedness later…) and it was kinda funny but kinda annoying. Dan and Kota had their comedy act going again and kept going “he is stinky! you are stinky! I am stinky!” and doing funny poses… during the game I was trying to explain what a nickname was, and so I said “my name is Vanessa, but my friends call me Nessa. It’s my nickname” and so on the way out of the classroom in the hallway, Dan was like “hey Nessa!” thinking he was very funny. Also I had a little posse of boys following me around, Kota was going “hey, what’s your name?” and I’m like “Vanessa. you know my name” and he goes on, “no, no, I don’t know your name!” and I’m laughing, so I ask him “what’s your name?” and he raises his arms and shoulders and goes “I don’t have name!”, all the while, Nichika and Kouki from 3-1 have appeared out of nowhere, asking me if I’m heading to their class for sentaku English next period. I said no and they looked super distraught, then kept walking along with me, Dan, Kota and whoever else was there. As we passed the door of their classroom, I heard Minami yell “Vanessa!!!” and Kouki yelled back “Vanessa inai! there is NO Vanessa!” lol. The whole thing happened within about a minute. It was really odd.

Then I had 2-6 with the kid who no longer has chubby cheeks and is so cute. I made him my little assistant for the game demo. mwaha.

And now for the retardedness. Earlier today, I asked Hasegawa sensei why today was short schedule and she said “because we will have sports day in the afternoon”. So picture me super confused cuz, didn’t we just have sports day on Thursday? Surely I didn’t dream all of that… No, no. I was quite sane. Apparently, instead of having sports day ending around 6pm on Thursday, someone had the bright idea of leaving it unfinished, and then adding an extra two hours today AFTER SCHOOL for the races that were missed because we started late. Most retarded idea ever. Of course no one told me, and I didn’t go to the enkai and left before the end so I wouldn’t have known, but still. I’m pretty sure everyone expects me to be outside right now, and the kids would probably like it if I was cheering with them, but A) I don’t have my sporty clothes (not that it matters really, but you know) B) it’s really sunny and I have a fucking headache, and C) I learned about it about 2 hours ago, I am not mentally prepared for this shit. So fuck that.


First period was 1-1. On the way I always run into all the first grade students going to classes in the main building so I have a million kids in a row going “hello!” to me, and then Eitaro passed by and went “hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!” for seriously like at least 30 seconds, and it was really funny, and then his friend told him (in Japanese) that he was crazy and they ran off to class cuz they were late. lol.

Schedule was all fucked up again. Why?

Third period was 1-3. That tiny kid with the strange name and a beauty mark under his eye was mumbling something that was meant to be funny in Japanese, but I couldn’t understand (it was a slang word I didn’t know) and then he stopped and started going “I am a dinosaur!” and I just laughed and said “you’re too small” and he looked at his friends all confused so I said “chiccha-sugi” and he made a face and all the other kids laughed so I felt a bit bad and said “maybe you’re a baby dinosaur…” and he carried on going “I am a dinosaur!” I left him to it.

Fourth was 2-1. The “cool boys” were discussing who was using hair wax in their hair (they’re not allowed. also they’re 12. lol) and I accidentally spit on gyaruo boy and he made a big show of wiping himself. Oops. Ayumu was being his usual attention-seeking-little self. and Wataru kept turning around to look at me during Shigeki’s part of the class and if I looked back at him he would smile shyly and look away. Cuuuuuute!!! I want to adopt him, seriously.


First period was 1-2, Yuka’s class, but Yuka was absent today and I was teaching with that weird sub girl… Ok, I’m mean, she’s not weird she just looks really stuck-up :p Anyways, my lesson took all of the time so I was teaching the whole lesson.

4th period was with 2-3. Did I mention I LOVE 2-3? They are so freakin’ adorable… A few of the boys are totally in love with me and always come to talk to me super eagerly during breaks, but as opposed to the brats in 2-1 (whom I also love…), they are SUPER well-behaved during class, which makes teaching them a pure joy. They are like your dream class as a teacher, basically… always eager to answer your questions and do what you say. Anyways, I walked into class to Kazunari shouting “Vanessa, I love you!” at me, and a few of the other boys giggling, like they’d dared him to it. He had a bruise or something on his bottom lip so I asked him “What happened? Did someone punch you?” and he goes “no, no, no! sick!” I made a face and went “oh, did you kiss somebody?” and he went all red and laughed, saying “no, no, no!” again. lol.

During class, when I asked for volunteers (I needed 2) Daiyu and Jun’s hands shot up almost before I could finish my sentence, and then Kazunari looked all bummed out that he hadn’t been fast enough. Cutie. At the end of class, they came over to chat again (the same group of boys) and Kazu was like “hello. my name is (last name) Kazunari, nice to meet you!” and so I said nice to meet you too and shook his hand. Then Daiyu also went “Hello. My name is (last name) Kazunari, nice to meet you!” and I said “no! You are a liar!” So they’re all going “lion? he is lion?” and then cracking up, so I explained what liar meant, but they all kept on “he is lion! haha!” so I said that actually I was a lion. Well a leo. and I tried explaining the zodiac to them but it just flew right over their heads, and I didn’t know the word in Japanese. At one point, cutie-pie Yusuke was like “Vanessa, ganbatte!” (which gave me an inner “awwww”) cuz I was trying to find the words, but in the end I just couldn’t.

As I was walking out the door, Marina (one of the girls who likes VK) chased after me and asked me something in Japanese and all I could understand was “Miyavi”. She was basically asking me if I was following him on twitter and I said yes, and she was like “oh, I have a twitter too! Your twitter name is Vanessa?” and I went “eeh……….. chotto chigau” (it’s a little different) and I kinda smiled and ran out. Not that I don’t love her but… I REALLY don’t want her adding me on twitter! :/

After lunch I googled some stuff about the zodiac and printed it out so I could go and show it to the boys from 2-3 again. They were chilling in the 2nd year hallway and so a bunch of other boys from 2-1 also showed up and they were all trying to see their horoscope… but of course it was all in English so they were kinda frustrated, haha. Daiyu and Kazunari seemed pretty peachy though ^_^

5th period was 1-4 with the sub again. Went really well. Everyone was so genki… Akira was adorably confused again. I went to help him answer the questions, and the first one was “who is your best friend?” and he was thinking and answered (ever so slowly, cuz that’s how he does everything “jaaaa…. Vanessa ni shiou…” (I’ll choose Vanessa) and his friend in front of him laughed and so I put my arm around Akira’s shoulder and went “yeah, me and Akira, we’re best friends!” so he went ahead and wrote “Vanessa” on his paper. lol. and then later on, one of the questions was “what’s your favorite food?” and I was explaining while giving my own answers as demo, and I asked the kids if they knew what my favorite food was, and they started throwing random guesses and I was like “no, no, no…. Akira, what’s my favorite food?” and at first he was confused and then went “Ha! Takoyaki!” and he looked sooo pleased when I said “that’s right”… it was adorable. and then he went “yappari, kansai-jin da ne…”

Hideaki (the little grumpy one, I always call him Hideki… oops!) was also in a super chipper mood. He kept joking around and even waved me over to help him out a few times!!! I was so pleasantly surprised! Later on, as I was checking answers and giving out stickers, one of the boys did something silly (I forget what) and so I exclaimed (to myself) “he’s so cute!” and one girl nearby heard me and went “cute?!” and so I said “yes, I love ichinensei smaaaall boys. They’re so cute!” and a bunch of the girls laughed as she translated for her friends. Then I nudged her and said that Hideki was my favorite one, but don’t tell him cuz it might make him angry. And that’s when they told me I was saying his name wrong. Also they laughed.

Oh and also, the very first activity was that the kids had to identify 3 famous people and write who they were on the paper. The pictures were: AKB48, Lady Gaga, and Sakurai Sho (a member of Arashi that at least 80% of the girls at my school are in love with). Now the two kids in front of me kept going “ano hito, dare?” (who is this person?) like, over and over, and they recognized Lady Gaga but not the other two, so after yet another “ano hito, dare?”, I said to them – in this really huffed up, polite Japanese voice “honto ni nihonjin desu ka?” (are you really Japanese?!” and they laughed and the little boy made a serious face and went “honto ni Canada-jin desu ka?” lol! it was so cute.

6th period was 3-6 with Hasegawa-sensei, Taisei was being his usual class-clown self, but even more than usual. Plus, all the boys were sweating buckets since they were just returning from gym class, and then they all put their sweaters on?!?! I was like WHY are you putting your sweaters on when you are dripping with grossness?!? but they seemed to think I was the weird one… eeeeeh. Japanese people, I don’t get you. Masamitsu was back to his too-cool-for-school self, unfortunately, and pretty much refused to do anything the whole class, except when we played battleship at the end. We made them pair up with the person next to them and Taisei went “eeeeeeeeeehhh?!?! Crap!! If I played against Masamitsu, I’d be sure to win!” which I thought was kinda mean, but they’re like best friends, so whatever. Masamitsu was playing with Yuta, and then at the end, when Yuta won, him and Taisei were talking and I heard “well of course, nobody can lose when playing against Masamitsu”. Aaawww!! No wonder the kid hates English!!


Thank god it’s Friday, is all I have to say.

I really hate when I have all back-to-back lessons because a) it’s really tiring, and b) I can’t really remember what happened in the earlier classes because they get supplanted and I have terrible memory, so I can’t record anything good for this blog. meh.

First period was regular English with 3-4 and it SUCKED. They have just completely checked out, they are so lazy and they do fuck all. Even Hasegawa sensei looked like she just didn’t care anymore. It’s a bit sad. Ryota refused to play the game because I made them pair up with the person next to them instead of their friends, and then at the end he still got up to come and get a sticker and I was like “HA! I think not!” and he tried it twice! Kid, how dense can you be?! I went over and chatted with him at one point and he informed me that it wasn’t just English he didn’t give a shit about, he just hated school in general. Oh well, now I know.

After that, I had 2-2 with Shigeki, and I can’t really remember what happened except that I was chatting with a bunch of girls before class and they were like “oh… your eyes are blue! Contacts?” and anyways, same old conversation but I told them that everyone in my family except my mom had blue eyes. I said my mom had green eyes and they freaked “green?!?!?” and then one of the girls asked “how about their hair colors?” which I thought was a really funny question. So I said most of them were either light brown or dark blonde… Oh yeah! and then Ayaka ran over and sneakily pulled something out of a bag to give it to me… it was some kind of leaflet/small magazine thing, that was just full of pictures of Shou from Alice Nine. lol. This is the second time she’s given me stuff from them. Actually, he looks really hot in all the pictures so I was a bit giddy! hahaha…

3rd period was 3-3, and though I was starting to be really dead by that point, I was cheered on by the fact that they were so much better than 3-4. I kept having to go check up on Tomoya at the back of the class cuz he was always pretending to read or pretending to write, and he would basically do it only if I was standing next to him. also had a nice little chat with Koudai about how he looked like a monkey and I was way more crazy than him. fun times.

finally, 4th period was with 2-5 and since the only funny thing that happened was at the beginning of the class, when me and Mizushima-sensei were gonna do the model reading, the kids were just supposed to listen and not repeat, but after I said the first line and as my JTE was starting the second, this one kid Shinji launched into it in this super loud voice, but he was the only one and he quickly noticed and finished the sentence in slow motion and looked super embarrassed and everybody laughed. He’s a good kid though so it’s not so bad. also, I had them play a memory card game, and normally it takes about 10 minutes tops for any given team to finish finding all the cards, but this one team was SO bad at it, it was just kinda hilarious! I even went and sat with them for a while and they just kept turning the same cards around over and over cuz they’d forgotten they had… Anyways, it was just funny.

And now it’ 5th period and something’s going on in the gym and I am NOT moving. God, I’m so tired.

Peace out, folks!

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